Calmology gives you a healthier relationship with how you feel. It’s not about manipulating or getting rid of your emotions, but learning how to be comfortable with any emotional energy by being aware of your real Self. You will continue to feel the whole spectrum of energies. Sometimes you will feel happy or sad, angry or amenable, fearful or immensely free. Therefore to help your body to heal you need to learn how to be comfortable feeling uncomfortable, so that you don’t suppress your essential energy.
Even if I teach people this, they will often report back later saying that they felt ‘bad’ and did some technique to try to feel better. In response, I will be glad that they had temporary relief, but will also remind them that they aren’t necessarily exploring the big benefits possible from healing their relationship with their emotions. This is because if they keep using techniques to change how they feel, they will stay stuck in the cycle of emotional manipulation instead of waking up to true emotional freedom.
Emotional Freedom = Peace With Emotions
Uncomfortable emotions are a common cause of bad health – not due to the emotions themselves, but the relationship that most people have with them. It is not the emotion that causes stress or dis-ease, but the resistance towards the ‘bad’ ones and the attachment to the ‘positive’. Fighting your feelings blocks the energy you need to heal and can lead to harmful stress-induced side effects such as toxicity, acidity, imbalances and panic attacks.
Suspend judgement to stop suffering
One of the main reasons why we resist uncomfortable emotions is due to having been conditioned to judge them as negative: growing up you were most likely taught labels for the different energies that happen and in the process learnt which were positive and which were negative. In a subtle way, you were programmed to be attached to some emotions and resist others.
Today, whenever your mind notices an emotion, it springs into action by asking: what am I feeling? If it labels it as anxiety, for example, then it will judge it as negative and want it gone. Unseen judgements happening in the mind are therefore a major hidden cause of emotional suffering and physical stress. So if you are ever struggling against a feeling, you can be sure there’s been an unseen mind-based judgement that’s decided it’s bad, wrong or negative and a subsequent need for it to be gone for good.
There are no negative emotions, only some which feel less comfortable than others. Suspending judgement is therefore the antidote to any emotional suffering.
I am not suggesting never judging your emotions ever again because you can’t necessarily stop your mind from judging things. However, I strongly recommend that you watch the judgements rather than be the judge. When you are the judge, you have identified with the commenting mind and become the judgemental thoughts. Enmeshed with the mind, you feel your thinking and it becomes very personal, with the inevitable consequence of getting caught further in thinking about how to feel better once again. However, when you can see the judgements from a more consciously aware viewpoint, you naturally step back from being the judge. The emotions stop being good or bad, positive or negative, and become a more neutral experience that you can calmly coexist with.
Quick Start Cure: Comfortably Uncomfortable
To help you to cultivate being comfortable with uncomfortable energy, do the following quick-start cure:
Be consciously aware, by engaging GAAWO.
See the emotion don’t be the emotion: observe the emotion instead of dropping into it.
See the judgement don’t be the judge: observe the judgement thoughts happening in the mind.
Recognize the resistance and attachment: notice that for conflict to exist around how you feel, you are resisting one emotion and attached to feeling some other way.
Be in harmony with how you happen to feel: remaining aware, let the emotion be present.
More guidance on how to do this can be found in the Body Calm course, specifically the module on the Embodying Exercise, so check it out for extra support.
By seeing the emotion, instead of being the emotion; seeing the judgements about the energy, instead of being the judge; and being aware by engaging GAAWO, your feelings will be allowed to flow and find their optimum level. You will experience less mental struggle and physical stress, and your body will regain its energetic equilibrium, allowing for enhanced levels of health and happiness to emerge.
Stats by the Mental Health Foundation say that on average, over 8 million people in the UK experience anxiety each year. Personally, I secretly suffered with anxiety for many years, until I learnt how to have a healthier relationship with my emotions. For this newsletter I share a new way of relating to intense emotions, along with a quick start cure for anxiety that can really help.
Here is a summary of the Uncomfortably Emotions chapter from my Body Calm book, along with a Quick Start Cure to play with to heal your relationship with emotions like anxiety:
It’s natural to feel a full spectrum of emotional energies during daily life.
All emotions are temporary, but the power and presence of your real Self is not.
Your real Self is the awareness that is aware of anxiety and that which is aware of anxiety is not anxious.
The awareness that is aware of anxiety is calm, well and free from anxiety - always.
Recognizing you have temporary emotions but you are not your emotions helps you to more calmly coexist with them all.
Peace is not the absence of emotions. Peace is a state of being you access (and experience) when you are consciously aware and at peace with how you feel.
Suppressing emotions lowers energy and your ability to enjoy the best life.
What you resist will persist and will cause suffering.
The more emotions the better as you need energy to heal, create and transform.
Aim to feel your feelings without getting lost in them by remaining self-aware.
To be self-aware is to be aware of the aspect of your Self that is Aware.
Emotional freedom comes from being comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
Quick Start Cure: 'HELLO EMOTION'
Lost in your anxious emotions? Resisting how you are feeling? In moments like these, when you are losing self-awareness and falling into your feelings, do the following:
Ask: What emotion am I aware of right now?
Ask: Where do I feel the emotion in my body?
Once you’ve named and located the emotion, turn your attention towards it and say the following statement in your mind or out loud: "Hello energy, thank you for passing through. You are welcome to hang out as long as you want."
Breathe nice and deep and easy, allowing the energy to move around your body.